Small Kindnesses

"People pleasers" get an undeserved bad wrap. Those that aren't "others focused" sometimes mistake kindness or being selfless as a weakness, almost as if it were a mal-adaptive coping mechanism. Sometimes it can be, an adaptation spurred out of necessity, but not all people who are especially kind are doing so out of insecurity or survival, sometimes it is the opposite. They have learned to be kind because someone showed them kindness, or because they feel the benefit of being kind, or they recognise the need for kindness and use it like a superpower. Kindness takes effort but it can be mutually rewarding. Acts of kindness usually require a bit of empathy, anticipation, attention and awareness of others. And if you are "others" focused you already know, acts of kindness trigger beneficial brain and hormonal responses, activating pleasure and reward centers through neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, which reduce stress, pain, and anxiety while enhancing mood and feelings of connection. Caring and kindness has a kick back, kind people usually feel better about themselves, and liking others, choosing to be kind, helps them like themselves more.

Humans have mirror neurons, which means we can make sense of other people's actions (like understanding the purpose of a movement- someone reaching for a glass might be likely trying to have a drink or be thirsty), and we learn from other people's experience without having to do everything ourselves. This system allows us to go beyond surface-level observation and respond to actions we can observe in others. These mirror neurons are also strongly associated with empathy. Areas of the brain typically activated by our own emotions are also active when we observe another individual experiencing feelings or sensations.

I'm a fan of kindness, a smile, someone doing their job well and seemingly happy about it, someone noticing me and offering to help. I appreciated Chimamanda Ngozi's differentiation between kindness and niceness.

"Being nice often prioritizes a need for validation, shying away from the truth, and staying in our comfort zones." Being kind, though...You can be kind, and hold a boundary and be empathetic and be courageous. Being kind doesn't mean being a walkover, or the need to be nice to everyone all the time. It means you're considering others, you're paying attention, and you recognise where you are in relation to someone else. Kindness is reciprocal, it tends to have a knock on effect in society. You may not get back directly from who you give kindness to, but your kindness will have a ripple effect, and you will experience it coming back to you.

I enjoyed this little poem. I'm so grateful for those who showed me kindness, especially undeserved kindness, that felt like grace.